The Vort

This guy was original, I’ll give him that. He had a very special surprise for me all planned out. Not the kind of surprises we girls like, though.

It was my second shidduch. I had been frum for about a year, and I was nineteen.
An innocent, still.
I went out with an Israeli guy a little older than me. He was really an awesome guy, we had a good time together. We talked a lot and he was fun to be with, clever and interesting and funny and all those wonderful things.

We went out once. I agreed to go out again.
The second date was even better.
Now the third date was interesting.

He took me to some kever in Jerusalem to daven mincha, and me with all that baal teshuva inspiration… it was all very holy.
We got back into the car, both of us glowing. He started driving, and we were talking casually; he said to me – So what do you think, do you see a future here?
I said, Of course.
Why else was I going out with him?
A future, to me, is short-term still at that point. I see about as far as the beginning of the next meeting. And he really was great.
Of course I wanted to see him again.
He smiled.
I smiled.
He continued driving.
Straight past my seminary, in fact.
And onto the highway.

We drove for a while, both of us silent. It was a comfortable silence.
All of a sudden I realised that we were on the way to Tel Aviv, and I said to him, ‘So tell me, where are you taking me?’
I thought maybe he wanted to go to the beach, take a walk on the sand, see the sunset. How sweet, I thought.
He looked over and smiled. ‘To Tel Aviv.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘How come?’
Well everybody’s waiting, he replied. My Rav is there, and all the guys from yeshiva. To do a le’chaim.
Excuse me? I said, Calmly.
To the vort, he said. All confidence and glowing energy.
Stop the car, I said.
He looked at me questioningly.
Stop the car, I repeated. Now.
He hit the brakes and pulled over.
Now get out, I ordered him.
He got out, bemused but still pretty sure that we were headed towards the vort.

I phoned my Rabbi. In hysterics.
He told me it was as fine to be as insanely angry as I was. It was pretty much all I needed to hear.
The boy got the picture very quickly after that.

There was no vort.

12 Responses to “The Vort

  • esti
    August 6th, 2002 12:15

    men…they can be so stupid

  • Arik
    August 7th, 2002 23:05

    He took you to your own VORT ??!!

  • neta
    August 25th, 2002 02:25

    is this a real story??? who can do such a thing?

  • karen
    September 6th, 2002 01:59

    he must have realy wanted to get married. he probabley didn’t get laid for too long.
    but i must say, his fadicha was original

  • Beryl
    September 26th, 2002 19:49

    You weren’t supposed to go out with an escaped mental patient from the Tel Aviv clinic!! His “Rabbi” was actually his Dr. and his buddies were all wearing those white nightgowns with their butts hanging out in the back!!! Man! What a story!!

  • Greg
    October 15th, 2002 08:04

    two words, it’s a compound word. We-ird. The guy was probably drunk already.

  • yuri
    October 17th, 2002 22:29

    she close it down

  • Mindy
    October 22nd, 2002 21:49

    I found this site recently and I’m cracking in half laughing from the stuff you’re writing. This is the first time I ever heard of a guy making the vort first and the proposal second. ROFLOL!

  • AidelMaidel
    January 9th, 2003 01:05

    Hysterical. I just found this site and LOVE IT. Much better than Onlysimchas lol.

  • UNluckyNlove
    April 14th, 2003 02:59

    She, I was wondering if I could PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use this story somewhere else?! it ROCKS! It’s probably my favorite one. 🙂 it’s also REALLY well written. Please let me know and PLEASE keep on writing!

  • She
    April 14th, 2003 08:33

    It doesn’t work like this. Email me.

  • lubav
    May 29th, 2003 03:53

    omg .. is this true? how can a guy do that.. please get everyone scared! lol.. this is one crazy story!