Apology
October 16th, 2002 at 10:49 pm (She)
Hi.
You’ve probably noticed that one of the recent stories I’ve posted has disappeared.
I managed to hurt the person involved. I should have been more protective of
his anonymity but foolishly I wasnt.
I have no desire to hurt anyone but it seems that I have, and I know the harm has already been done so, for whatever its worth, I am really truly honestly completely so sorry. I do feel awful.
When I write about my life, I do it to the full extreme, and I exaggerate, make it like a caricature. Its a joke, the point is the story, not the person.
Hurting and humiliating people over the internet isnt my kick, I had NO intention for it to be this way.
I am not sure about the outcome of this episode, whether I should continue with writing this site or not.
Sorry again.
ze uzzer German said,
October 16, 2002 at 11:10 pm
Oh, I am sorry to read this. I think I can feel with you, having gone through some very similar experience just the other week, and I sincerely hope the awful feelings will give way to … well, less awful ones, soon.
There is one thing I am absolutely sure of: You are a decent and considerate human being.
We love your stories, and we love the person and the personality behind these stories. Give yourself time. Whichever way you decide in the end, as far as continuing writing is concerned, don’t let this turn into something bitter. You meant no harm.
Take good care.
Kelly said,
October 16, 2002 at 11:48 pm
This sort of thing will happen when you write publicly about your personal life. It’s unfortunate but don’t let it stop you from posting. I think you’ve got interesting, important stuff to share with the world.
You’ve done the right thing by removing the piece. Don’t let this situation silence you.
shimra said,
October 17, 2002 at 4:51 pm
Please don’t stop writing the site. It’s sad that you hurt someone but you’ve done a lot of good with this site too. I went thru this shidduch crap too and as have plenty of other people in the so-called frum world. You give us all a voice and a way to vent through you and laugh at ourselves. Plus you give me a taste of Israel and I miss it dearly.
Should you decide to stop I wish you the best of luck anyway in all your endeavors and you’ll get married soon, don’t you worry:)
-shimra
s said,
October 17, 2002 at 5:51 pm
why should our entertainment be considered more important than someone’s feelings? this site cracks me up and i’d hate to lose it, but really, i could just waste my time elsewhere on the web…
raphi said,
October 17, 2002 at 7:23 pm
Hi.
Don’t stop.
Your site shows also our view of the wonderful world of shidduchim. This is probably the only site I know which portrays us SDBTs (for non-initiated readers: Shidduch-Deficient Baalei Tshuva) in a positive way. Probably it’s the only site written by an SDBT.
That person is hurt? You bet he is: if I recognized myself in your site I would hate you forever and even more. But you can’t bring time back. All you can do is apologize and try to repair. You probably know how.
Yehi Ratzon vechule vechule.
P.S. completely unreleted to the above: This is better than Dilbert! Another reason for keeping writing…
yonit said,
October 17, 2002 at 11:28 pm
as you can see, people love this site. you speak for everyone who has and will go through the worst shidduchim, and you make them a fadicha-you laugh about them. not many other people can do that. so whatever you decide to do, know that we all think you are great, and your stories are better.
gary said,
October 18, 2002 at 12:36 am
the fact that you’r still contemplating(do you still love that word) doesn’t say much for yourself. do you think that hurting a single person a single time is worth anything you might get/ give from this trip?
She said,
October 18, 2002 at 7:40 am
No Gary. That’s why I took the story off.
her said,
October 18, 2002 at 10:20 pm
No she. The entire site is completely ASURE.
ze uzzer German said,
October 19, 2002 at 3:40 pm
ASURE???? Vots zat mean?? I’ve tried to look it up in the dictionary of my sixteenth best friend’s laptop but couldn’t find it.
gary said,
October 20, 2002 at 11:18 pm
its not about the single story. its about the whole culture of all the stories. your APOPLOGY reads just like any other of your sad excuse for a weak frum sex in the city.
its not so much the result as the process- for you and no one else.
Joe said,
October 21, 2002 at 2:55 am
Gary, what’s so hard to grasp in “live and let live”? you don’t like it? don’t read it! you feel offended? don’t read it! If people enjoy it, let them judge their own moral. It’s no reason to make a big deal. People get hurt in every framework of life, but surely it’s not a reason to shut the planet off. Besides, your “sad excuse for a weak frum sex in the city” is an example for an uttering which is offensive if someone really wants to be offended by it. If not, it’s harmless.
gary said,
October 21, 2002 at 5:17 pm
Joe, when last did you read “live and let live” in the torah
She said,
October 21, 2002 at 6:13 pm
Okay this has to be very clear - I went yesterday to ask a Rabbi about it, and he is my ONLY halachic authority. Not you (though you’re invited to email me your smicha). The truth is that I wasn’t sure what he’ll say; if he was telling me to take off the site - then I would have. The Rabbi said that other then the site being just fine halachically, I need to make sure that mistakes like this wont happen again. And I plan to.
I suggest, that if you feel offended by this site, just dont visit it. Cos we’re staying. But we’ll miss you greatly.
Gary said,
October 21, 2002 at 9:59 pm
glad to here youll miss me. just two questions: how much time has your rabbi spent on this site, and secondly; maybe he can help me out with that smicha you suggest i send you.
keep on hurting,
Gary
karen said,
October 21, 2002 at 11:26 pm
darling, i see i missed a very important issue here? who got hurt by your funny, witty, smart, and great sotries? you must fill me in on all the details. and who is this awfull gary? keep on writing darling, we love you.
She said,
October 22, 2002 at 12:53 am
Gary is someone who knows what “sex and the city” is, while I had to ask my secular friend to find out what’s it about.
Interesting, ain’t it?
ze uzzer German said,
October 22, 2002 at 5:22 pm
Gary, why don’t you meet with ME in a hotel lobby for a change. We could discuss some general matters there. I’d promise you that being German, I’d be on time; I’d promise the others that being German, it would take a loooooong while for me to tell you about the world in general and about my very important opinions on it in particular; and during that time, you’d leave she and the other folks here alone. Just to give them a break.
How about it? (I mean, she, we’re all doing what we can, aren’t we.)
shimra said,
October 22, 2002 at 10:26 pm
I know this sounds bad, but I’m dying to read Gary’s story to see what was so terrible about it. I don’t think I got to that one.
She said,
October 23, 2002 at 10:11 am
I love you people, I truly do.
married with children said,
December 30, 2002 at 6:12 am
sounds like Gary has some feelings of resentment, poor thing. maybe he should invest in a therapist?
She said,
December 30, 2002 at 6:25 am
hmmm I dont know this Gary; The story that was taken off was not about him…
H.R.Goldberg said,
January 7, 2003 at 3:00 am
Anyone know where I can get an instant smicha…
I’ve already been ordained as a reverend and fancy being a Rabbi for a change…
dani said,
January 8, 2003 at 11:04 pm
oof! gary, don’t get so upset for other people. She is being very careful here to tell her story from the side of venting, not lashon hara, and always anonymously. the only thing i can come up with is you know that you’re an awful date and you’re scared that you’ll find your story here. if that’s what’s worrying you, just act like a mensh on every date from here on out, and you’ll be safe.
She - absolutely true re: being better than Dilbert. you’re the scott adams of the jewish dating world.
She said,
January 8, 2003 at 11:19 pm
Gosh! Thanks Dani!
UNluckyNlove said,
April 11, 2003 at 10:36 am
ok. I know it’s been forever since the whole “Gary” conversation, but I can’t believe Gary is that upset. She, anyone can see how hard you try to keep things anonymous, and I totally agree with your “it’s the story” point. plus, this website is totally unique and I for one, would be totally lost w/o it. I say, let Gary go, but She should stay!