Catch 45
March 24th, 2003 at 8:48 pm (She)
There was only one catch… and that was Catch-45.
(That line was shamelessly stolen from the beginning of the book, sort of).
About two weeks ago, I was sitting in the taxi on my way back from work, exchanging random existential thoughts with the taxi driver, as I so often do, and listened to my voice messages, only briefly. I mean, hey, after all, I WAS in the middle of a critical point in our debate, discussing in depth the whole concept of a Coke can against a Coke plastic bottle, advantages, disadvantages, and general concepts to improve the Coke we all adore and cherish.
This is probably the best part of my day.
So in between our wild brainstorming I listened to a message from a guy. A guy! A man! In my phone! Saying he got my number from this shadchan who’s known for not letting me know that a guy is about to call me. Like, for all she knows I might be in a middle of a shidduch, or *gasp* I might be even engaged, but no, ho no, she always gives out my number and I just stopped trying to tell her not to.
I mean, I don’t really fancy the fact that guys just PHONE me out of nowhere. I should be prepared. To answer with my Feminine “Hello”, you know, that Hello with all the air in it, like, Hhhheeeello?
Anyway, since it had been a hectic day at work and I was a tad exhausted, I decided to phone him back after a proper meal, and, um, doing stuff. You know, stuff.
So while I was busy relaxing preparing my Hello, I got a call from a private number and I casually answered.
Clearly it was him. It’s like, there goes my special Hello. Why do they always DO that? I always fall with those irritating dumb private numbers. Dammit! I want to be private number also! I do!
So we talked. Truth is, we happened to have a nice, I mean, REALLY nice chat on the phone. He was funny and clever, and I even told him how refreshing it all is to actually speak to someone intelligent. Ach… Fresh as a cool breeze. I mean, he sounded like he KNEW stuff, like he’s been around, very mature, very together. Very unlike most of my dates.
Lovely.
He came to pick me up.
As I came close to the car I thought to myself, “Groovy, he stole his father’s car”! It was quite a neat car. Expensive.
Now, the next thought that flew my little mind the second I actually got in the car was “Oh dear. He IS the father”.
I mean, um, grey hair and stuff. Old stuff. Pictures of his kids from his first marriage hung from the front mirror, ready to be boasted about. (”That’s Johnny, he’s 27 now…”)
I didn’t know what to say. He noticed I was freaked out. OBVIOUSLY I WAS. Maybe it was because he saw me glancing at the back seat, only to make sure that my real date, you know, the YOUNG one, isn’t there. (Johnny, the 27 year old..)
We went to have coffee. Clearly he had tea. He talked a lot about himself, about his wealth, his business, his past, his first marriage, his car, his other car, his oldest son, and of course, his age. He was 45. I am 25. Ha. Haha.
He was looking at me very strangely. I asked him what, so he said I play with my hair a lot. I said “Oh. I didn’t notice it. Sorry.” So he said, “No, that’s quite alright. It actually shows that you’re a woman (!), sitting in front if a man (!!), whom she fancies quite a lot (!!!)”.
Right. Right right. Right right right. Like, WHAT?! For crying out loud, I was only tying up my hair to a pony tail. But who knows, maybe tying up your hair would consider to be rather flirty back in the 20’s.
We were talking for another short while, when he interrupted me to ask whether I’ve finished my coffee. I said that Yeah, what’s left in the cup had gotten cold about twenty minutes ago already anyway.
So he said, “Oh! I’m sure they can heat it up for you”!
I nearly vomited. Yuck. Heat the remains of my coffee? Eeeeeeek. And anyway, this guy was a gazzillionaire! Buy me coffee! OFFER to buy me coffee, dammit! Ach, he can practically buy me the coffee shop!
Bah.
We went home and I was very polite. I’m so polite. I was actually quite happy I didn’t go ahead and wasted my Hello on him. I think he’s too old anyway for that sort of stuff, and I’m not taking any responsibility on his heart condition.
Story title by stm.
dani said,
March 24, 2003 at 10:30 pm
lol. I want the rights to syndicate this into a TV show one day.
*shout* love you!!!!!!!!!!
She said,
March 24, 2003 at 10:44 pm
Hugs and kisses heading your way. Oh, and lolly pops! Lots! You know, the ones with the bubble gum in it.
stm said,
March 24, 2003 at 11:15 pm
cool title, She!
D Boy said,
March 24, 2003 at 11:48 pm
Great!
You should put down Hitchhikers and read things like Body Language (the book).
To most men a girl/woman touching her hair means “look at a my face/beauty”. But it also depends how you were touching your hair.
I would publicise the name of the shadchan and what she does. It is very unethical just to give out your phone number.
dani said,
March 25, 2003 at 1:34 am
cause it’s like 2 treats in one. just when you get tired of licking the candy, you have gum to chew. it’s deliriously refreshing.
Chani said,
March 25, 2003 at 2:13 am
She,
If it helps at all, I once found myself in the exact same situation. Only the guy told me that my eyes, big-bright-curious-mischievous-excited-alive! eyes, are *exactly* like his daughters. And then he brushed up against my shoulder. Intentionally.
I, however, did get a drink refill that night . . .
SMS said,
March 25, 2003 at 3:16 am
AM I MISSING SOMETHING??!! How could the shadchan do that to you? I think i might have just run away. Oy. Lots of bubble gum lollipops from me too
Btw, that was written really well. good job!
Jelly Beans said,
March 25, 2003 at 5:24 am
WOW SHe , you handled it with a lot more dignity than I would have… I don’t think I would’ve even gone on the date… you poor thing
She said,
March 25, 2003 at 9:15 am
More lollieeeeees!
(I think that meeting this guy made me regress)
AsIf said,
March 25, 2003 at 11:17 am
I am not attacking you because I’m definitely not a person who should be throwing stones in glass houses but a few stories ago we were talking about talking to the person more before going out with them. ‘Shouldn’t his age and marriage status have been something you talked about before you met him? If it came up earlier isn’t that something that would have allowed you to make an “informed” decision vs. a decision in the dark? This is maybe (and I put an emphasis on maybe) why you are having so many dud dates..?
On a funny note, I’ve noticed that very often that older men still see themselves as in the running when it comes with pretty, smart, 20-ish old girls. That’s not to say such age differences aren’t insurmountable, but please…
Shoshana said,
March 25, 2003 at 2:58 pm
I think it may be time to change your phone number and NOT give it to that shadchan!
dani said,
March 25, 2003 at 7:44 pm
fuh, go one step farther. donate the telephone to your local friendly waitress from ‘my identical twin’. that should make for some good times. why is it that when you’re sick, your ears think you’re in an airplane, and need to be popped every 2-3 minutes? the rest of me knows what’s going on, how do i get my ears to catch up?
and if anyone responds talking about pressure and equilibrium - got it, thanks.
a man said,
March 25, 2003 at 11:11 pm
Playing with your hair??
She, there is just about NOTHING mutar a frum lady can do that is more flirtatious than play with her hair. Yes the 20’s. Because, I’m sure you know that most of the flirtatious stuff that came after the 20’s is ossur anyway. I think he’s a pig for mentionning it, but that’s another story altogether.
If I may be permitted another observation: A number (I don’t know how many, I haven’t counted nor do I care to) of your accounts mention a certain annoyance you have with men who actually talk about themselves. Cut them some slack please. Things might go easier for you. Because IY”H, the day will come (soon we hope) when the guy will be talking about his life and you will be interested.
On all other points, I’m on your side.
Jelly Beans. said,
March 26, 2003 at 5:37 am
To “A MAN”:
Playing with your hair is flirtateous?!!??!?!
I agree that it can be… But most girls I know play with their hair out of habit/boredome…. with no ulterior motives!
D boy said,
March 26, 2003 at 9:21 am
After Checking a few things up on my own comment, about the hair:
“It is routine for a woman, when presented with an uncomforable situation, to play with her hair.”
“Especially: Pulling it away from her face and holding the ends”
This was from my PI course. I had to empty the whole Machsan to find it.
She said,
March 26, 2003 at 9:37 am
Er, er, I can’t argue with that, I suppose, but :
a) I was *so* not trying to get him to like me and
b) just his self confidence of saying so makes you want to cut your hair on the spot. It was all flirty and revolting.
And by the way, I didn’t know he was 45 till I met him. He didn’t sound as old on the phone, and never mentioned he has kids practically my age.
AsIf said,
March 26, 2003 at 11:16 am
My point isnt what he mentioned or didnt but what you didnt ask from him, like the very basics such as his age before you agreed to go out with him. My point was if you took a little more time asking these kinds of information before you ever agreed to initially go out with him in the first place you may not have had so many dissapointing dates. Thats all
She said,
March 26, 2003 at 7:42 pm
I did ask. His answer was “two years older than you” and a giggle.
dani said,
March 26, 2003 at 9:14 pm
ew.
D Boy said,
March 26, 2003 at 9:45 pm
did you mention your age, to him on the phone?
She said,
March 26, 2003 at 9:57 pm
Yeah yeah, he knew I was 25.
D Boy said,
March 26, 2003 at 10:30 pm
the guy really freaks me. to have the gall to think you’d be intrested in him. Magil!
You will find a guy soon enough
L said,
March 26, 2003 at 11:29 pm
I have a friend who’s 26 who just married a 40 year old… shes a really nice, pretty normal girl too…
I mean I understand why you were a little freaked out She, but “D boy”, why is it soooo aweful that he thought SHE may be interested.. I mean “he had the gall”… whats the biggie? its happened before…
dani said,
March 27, 2003 at 12:34 am
i think the gall was less the thought itself than the assumption and comment upon it. it’s not like She was like (twirling hair) “you’re so dreamy!” and then he responded with a comment about flirting. she was looking for split ends, which any master of body language can tell you means ‘i’m trying to stay conscious… this isn’t really helping, please shut up and let me go home now.’
blue said,
March 27, 2003 at 12:54 am
hehe..
A well meaning Shadchan tried to set me up on a date “with this really awesome great guy.” turns out he was in Yeshiva with my FATHER!! back in the day.. needless to say.. i did not go out with him. now my older brothers’ friends.. well now there are a bunch of “older men” I would not mind dating..
as for the hair twirling thing.. of course playing with hair is considered flirtateuos in the frum world.. one of the reasons in the Bais Yaakov I went to in Yerushalyim, we either had to have our hair really short or kept back in ponytails all day long..
D boy said,
March 27, 2003 at 11:24 am
Guys like “Catch 45″ make me sick.
L if we reverse the sexes does it seem ok to you?
25 y.o. guy with a 45 y.o. woman.
There is a gap of an entire generation there.
Either “Catch 45″ thinks he is a generation younger than he is, or he thought “She” was woman a generation older than she is.
Either way he is delusioned.
Nuf said!
Jinji said,
March 27, 2003 at 8:13 pm
The first guy I ever dated lied about his age. He told me he was two years younger than he was. OK, not such a big deal, but it was like the last straw given all the other weird and horrifying things he was doing. And then I went through a period where everyone who was suggested to me was either significantly older (mid-40s) or quite a bit younger (as in 22-25). I’m now 30.
Whoa said,
March 28, 2003 at 7:43 am
I stumbled across this while surfing the web. Interesting insight into the dating business. What do you think?
http://theunderachiever.com/engagement.htm
She said,
March 29, 2003 at 10:44 pm
I tried to have a look at that site, but the wild PINK through me off completely.
AsIf said,
March 30, 2003 at 2:48 am
Sometimes its like ppl, you have to get past the glitz and glammer to get the heart of the real person. I looked through the website and its very cute. I liked the rules to heretics page. The website smells of Crown Heights though… which makes me like it all the more i guess.
See you. Have a good weekend
AsIf said,
March 30, 2003 at 2:50 am
BTw re: website, I found out that an old b-f got engaged and married over only simchas.. the new knife in the heart i guess
her said,
March 30, 2003 at 5:37 am
I looked at the site and there is a piece called “salmon says” and it’s about the whole story about the talking fish…i almost passed out laughing!
AsIf said,
March 30, 2003 at 11:11 am
There was a story like that that ran in the BBC news service, and today I saw in the national newspaper in aus, the “religion” column mention it. However it was a big chilul hashem because he was talking about the end of the world and using hte new testament to back it up and why it is fudamentalist christian groups support israel etc. Hmpphh…
shimra said,
March 30, 2003 at 3:53 pm
She, I’m truly truly sorry. Was he good looking at least? In a Sean Connery kind of way?:) Or (gasp), Paul Newman who is prob’ly pushing 90 but is still hot? Always gotta say gam zu l’tovah! Ha ha. Gotta check the website e/o is mentioning now…neon pink…hmmm
She said,
March 30, 2003 at 7:59 pm
Truth is, he looked very much like Richard Gere. You know, the cheek bones. He was rather good looking, and still, with all due respect to Richard Gere, he’s freaking 50.
shimra said,
March 30, 2003 at 10:05 pm
Yeah if you were to marry him and have kids (rachmana l’tzlan) he’d be 90 at their weddings! Ever heard of Anna Nicole Smith, She? You did mention the guy was a gazillionaire…
jewbaca said,
April 2, 2003 at 1:08 pm
hey she, ive bin visiting ure site for awhile whenever i need to remindmyself that not lookinfor a shituch is easier then looking
kewl site, whatcha gonna do when u finally meet mr right? whatcha gonna right about? 
anyways i read this article in maxim or fhmthat was saying how to read girls body language to know how to pick them up, and one of the things it said was “when a girl keeps paying with her hair, it means she is having a bad hair day and you should pay a compliment to her hairstyle”
ive tried it out and it wors like a charm
jewbaca said,
April 2, 2003 at 2:11 pm
p.s. just saw the website mentioned, must b a lubab by the crownstreet part
j5 said,
April 3, 2003 at 9:07 am
I live on Crown st I wonder if I know him
d boy said,
April 3, 2003 at 1:17 pm
For those who read the “Rules of Engagement” article, who “Theunderachiver” is definately froma Chabad family and spent some time Crown Heights.
How many people in Brooklyn even know of Lefferts Ave?
jewbaca said,
April 3, 2003 at 5:22 pm
i know of lefferts ave. but then again i used to live there
AsIf said,
April 4, 2003 at 2:33 am
me too, know of it but not lived. Visited CH on several occasions….dont underestimate the power of chabad
(j/k)
blue said,
April 6, 2003 at 3:08 am
shavua tov everyone,
after going to the underacheiver site, i wonder if i know the guy too. hmm, maybe if i out up crazy signs on kingston ave like amelie did in the train station then i can get to find out who he is
ys said,
April 8, 2003 at 11:42 am
It occured to me that She’s lack of posted stories is a good thing. It mean she’s living in the real world for a time rather than burning time managing our little support group here. Go you! Hey, she may even have found somebody and is forward-looking a bit. (ok, I made that term up. Nu?) Not that my comment doesn’t show an utter lack of life (it does).
Keep cleaning everyone/ys
She said,
April 8, 2003 at 8:06 pm
Nope… Just very, very, very busy. Work. Not much time to write. Soon..
UNluckyNlove said,
April 11, 2003 at 8:48 am
This stuff is GOLD!!!! Keep on writing. also, SHE could you email me??? I tried emailing you, a couple of times but it didn’t work!
THANKS! CHAG SAMEACH EVERYONE!!!!!
-MB
lubav said,
May 29, 2003 at 3:36 am
u shouldve asked how old he was THEN go out with him! i dont think its right that you told him your 25 but he didnt say how old he is.
jay said,
June 26, 2003 at 8:40 pm
1. If you use a phone card, like bigzoo.com, the call always shows up as “private caller”.
2. Don’t blame the shadchan. He probably lied to her about his age.
3 said,
June 26, 2003 at 10:54 pm
3. According to the special theory or relativity one can be 25 and 45 years old at the same time.