Meeting With The IRS

I’ve always wondered who are the world loving, nature children of the revolution, fighting dictatorship, for the sake of democracy, freedom of speech etc who work in the IRS. Nice people, surely.
So now I know.

As if I don’t have enough stressing out to do before I actually leave my flat for a date, like deciding on what to wear, and then having your flatmate telling you it’s horrid and that you must change, and so you do, and luckily the closet’s is rather stable so it doesn’t crash when you open it a gazillion times, and just when you’re about to leave another flatmate has a brilliant idea about a very very specific shirt that I just HAVE to wear NOW and tries to block my way out the door, and only after I manage to lock her in the stove or something and shout LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU, I get to the date, calm.

So, having to go through all of that tantrum in the moments leading to my date, an hour of meditating relaxation isn’t much to ask for really.

And did I get to have it? A moment of peace and harmony?
Of course not. I got a freaking meeting with the IRS.
Seriously. This guy is working for them.
And I do pay my taxes!

I’m used to dating (no. really), and I’m used to being asked about my job, and this isn’t the usual kind of question that makes me nervous. But this guy, working in the IRS, was just fishing for mistakes….fish fish fish…Outcome! Income! Numbers! Details! My Gd, all that was missing was a neon spotlight directed at my face.
I felt like in an interrogation at the Mossad.

And I do pay my taxes!

At about he said something about him being very strict about saying the Krias Shema on time. How important it is to never say it after Chatzos etc. I agreed. Important, yeah. I then noticed that it was nearly Chatzos. And he kept looking at his watch, which was annoying. so I thought he was planning to end this date now so he could get to yeshiva on time.
But no.

Before I had a chance to say a thing, he covered his eyes with his right hand and said Krias Shema so loudly that the waitress turned to us, thinking that he actually wanted to order something. He just let himself get totally carried away on waves of enthusiasm and real kavonah.

Now, this is a crowded place. I was like, sitting there, looking at him in total shock, while he ignored me completely, I mean, he was, after all, surfing the waves of spiritual enlightenment, and who was I to interrupt this special daily proceeding.

What was he thinking? That when he covers his eyes he disappears?

When he finished he looked at me said wow, I feel so good, so holy, so pure… don’t you get that after you say Krias Shema? I feel so…. REFRESHED.

Ahh. Refreshed. That’s exactly how I get.

Then he said Ahh again. Surely he was trying to emphasise a point of which I wasn’t aware. Ahh. The moaning of a man in bliss.

By that point of our date, I was certainly not in bliss.

He came back from his midnight surf all tanned and splashy, refreshed and filled with new energy to keep on interrogating me about money and taxes and all that. I couldn’t even understand half of what he was going on about.

I was quite exhausted at that point. It occurred to me that I’m actually paying this guy’s salary. And that now I have to go and sleep so I can get up in the morning fresh and new, and work, and pay his salary, keep him busy doing something. ANYTHING TO KEEP people of his sort ever walking out the office.

74 Responses to “Meeting With The IRS

  • Uninvisible
    July 23rd, 2003 21:34

    Speaking of blogs, check out this one entitled “The Shidduch Experiment” quite apropos to our little site…

  • M
    July 23rd, 2003 21:41

    She’s annoying.
    …and look what she had to say about our lovely She here….

  • She
    July 23rd, 2003 21:43

    “A chick”? Was that about me? A chick?

  • M
    July 23rd, 2003 21:49

    Yeah, and trying to ride your wave of glory 🙂

  • She
    July 23rd, 2003 21:54

    What glory?
    It’s cool, anyone can write about shidduchim, you know….

  • Uninvisible
    July 23rd, 2003 22:44

    Anybody, true, but not with your characteristic candor.

  • She
    July 23rd, 2003 22:51

    Oh, that’s just so nice.
    Thank you.

    I think I’m going to make “candor” my new favourite word now.

  • Uninvisible
    July 23rd, 2003 22:55

    Glad I could be so impressionable.

  • rinx
    July 24th, 2003 02:57

    that girl is sic for thinking u were entertaining her with the moan..i mean let a guy have his peace with his kavuna, people shouldnt but into others bussiness on how they daven…

  • Humbert
    July 24th, 2003 05:04

    I think so too. It’s not too much to ask for, is it?

  • Humbert
    July 24th, 2003 05:58

    People are too nosy, that’s for sure. For instance, my mother is Korean, she went through the geirus process before I was even in the planning – why does everyone have to ask me whether I am a ger or not? I mean, it’s none of your business. Am I marrying you? No. So what’s your freaking problem. People just get on my nerves. Today, for instance I had this nasty talk with my manager in Eichlers. So he had to know exactly how many hours I spend watching TV per week. Exactly. Like, oh my gosh, what’s your freaking problem, man. Like I work for you twice a week. Freaking twice a week. You pay me next to nothing. I repeat next to nothing, on the good days. You smell like spoiled rats soaked in kerosene. And you want to know if I’m not kodesh enough? Go jump in the lake, looser. Sheesh. Some people are just too nosy, that’s what I say.

  • Uninvisible
    July 24th, 2003 09:52

    I don’t think it is nosiness as much as it is an inability by many in so called “frum communities” to deal with variation or perhaps what they see as a challenge to their monolithic society. After all, if the Rebbe says TV is evil and you watch TV, clearly you are inclined towards evil (if not evil incarnate) and obviously incapable of being an effective Jewish book sales person. Whether or not you’re a committed and halakhic Jew is irrelevant…

    As for questioning the kavanah of others, one never knows what is indeed going on in the hearts of others (nor the meaning of whelps, hummings, bizarre guttural vibrating noises etc.) and it would be wiser to inquire as opposed to simply cast aspersions (or salt, or any other granular substance, for that matter).

  • victoria
    July 24th, 2003 10:16

    thank you mr invisible

  • asif
    July 24th, 2003 11:42

    So, How many hours of TV do you watch?
    j/k 😉

  • Humbert
    July 25th, 2003 03:54

    AsIf, you’re cute. I try not to watch at all. But I have to deal with the fact that the TV is watched regularly by other people here where I’m currently at. TV is stupid, the only thing I’d ever want to watch would be the Charlie Rose show, and documentaries about the dinosaurs on the learning channel. TV is the looney box, the best part is comercials, the most original and creative stuff of television.

  • asif
    July 27th, 2003 15:22

    ‘course Im cute.

    Now that we are unanimous on that topic, I have to totally disagree with you about the TV thing.

    I love Tv – I really enjoy it and make time to watch it. I was “Trauma-life in the ER” to test my medical knowledge, “Friends” and “Everyone loves Raymond”to laugh, Channel 2 for the educational programs, M*A*S*H, and reruns of Felicity wondering my university experience wasnt more like hers :). Freud might say that its catharsis – who knows? Theres a lot to learn from TV like the books and the internet – its jst a form of media, and like anything else you have to be picky about what you choose to watch.

  • Humbert
    July 27th, 2003 18:33

    Perhaps you’re right, TV is beautiful, although it is the lowest common denominator for consumption of the masses, mass produced by the opressive powerful and rich class, like a sausage churning mill. But, as Tolstoy already said, true art is contagiously popular. For perhaps TV is the True art of Modern Times despite the fact that it’s pure brain washing; that it’s a low taste and quality thing; and that its humour isn’t funny, and tragedy ain’t sad.
    But that was sweet of you anyway – very brave to stand up for TV when everyone else is suddenly sitting down to daven.

  • asif
    July 29th, 2003 08:58

    Maybe thats why I have so many issues with davening.

  • shimra
    July 30th, 2003 21:12

    my computer is fixed!!! now i’m going to catch up on what i’ve missed. ok, i’m done.

    wow. what’s this about moaning in pleasure during davening? Humbert! That’s highly inappropriate! Jeez!

  • Humbert
    July 31st, 2003 04:20

    If I’m guilty of high impropriety, I am innocenct of low aspirations.

  • HumbAri
    July 31st, 2003 05:42

    TV as art?? TV as educational?? I enjoy TV as much as the next guy, but let’s not kid ourselves, folks. TV fries the imagination and is one of the most intellectually passive things you could do with your time. It ecourages escapism, and a distortion of reality. It ruins the imaginative faculties. All of this is obvious to anyone she’einav b’rosho. Of course, as I said before, I do enjoy TV sometimes, but let’s not rationalize too much.

  • shimra
    July 31st, 2003 09:26

    look, I don’t know about you but “Jerry Springer” is the best show on TV! JERRY! JERRY!

  • Humbert
    July 31st, 2003 18:16

    No, the best show on TV is Charlie Rose! Dog man it.

  • Humbert
    July 31st, 2003 18:37

    Hey, HumbAri does Art immitate reality, or does reality immitate Art? And are there really two m’s in immitate?